Ryan Shazier's face changes. I swear it does.
I'm not going to lie here. I wasn't about football Sunday night at Heinz Field. I couldn't take my eyes off this extraordinary human.
Not that there wasn't other potential for focus. So much was simultaneously happening at the Steelers' annual Family Fest practice, I'd have needed a swiveling head to fully absorb it. And I'll share more on that in a bit.
But this guy ...
I don't know what to say to that. I just don't.
It's been only a handful of months since that night in Cincinnati. Happened right in front of us, right in front of that end of the Bengals' press box. He was down. He wasn't moving, but for his hands waving for help. We all knew what was happening, though we couldn't -- or wouldn't -- allow ourselves to process it. Hell, we couldn't even conceive of why we were watching any of that game after it happened.
I don't need to revisit those feelings. I'll bet you don't, either.
But then, within a month, the Shazier family put out that hospital photo of him standing alongside Ben Roethlisberger.
Wonderful, we thought, but too good to be true. Ben's arm was around him. Had to be holding him up.
Then, Shazier was at a Penguins game ... standing ... rising to his own feet ... without help. And bringing down the house.
Soon, he was at the NFL Draft, walking with a cane out to the stage. Walking.
Then at his alma mater, Ohio State, all the way across the 50-yard line without the hand on his elbow.
And now ... on this night, he took to Heinz Field with his fellow linebackers. The cane's still around, but it's more of a parachute. He uses it when he tires. And he does tire, at which point he'll take a seat. He'll need an extra oomph to get back up. But otherwise, he's up and about and engaged and involved and speaking with teammates and coaches and execs all the way up to Art Rooney II. He did it through all two-plus hours of drills. Never stopped.
Let's not let the magnitude of this ever fade, OK?
We're witnessing something, day in, day out, unlike anything in Pittsburgh sports history. One of our own fell. And while the city's done plenty to pick him up, it's more than fair to suggest he's done that much more to pick us up.
Months ago, Shazier lost feeling in his legs. He couldn't move, couldn't get out of bed. Today, he's walking without help. Walking right out there onto Heinz Field in the middle of a Steelers practice.
And when it was done, as you can see in that video I shot for you above, he then strode the near-complete length of the grass. Which is when I caught it yet again: His face changes. It looks like he becomes ... I don't know, someone or something else.
There's a distinct look Shazier now shows when walking. The smile that's almost always there, when doing anything else, is gone immediately. The chin goes sky high. The eyes go egg-shell wide. It's maybe the expression he'd have had hidden under his helmet before making a big play. It's maybe calling to a higher power, given his deeply held religious convictions. It's maybe, and most likely, something none of us could understand.
He strode this way, probably 60 yards, toward the far end and Michelle Rodriguez, his beloved fiancee. As he neared the row where she'd been watching, he pridefully lifted the cane off the ground for the final few steps. She climbed over the railing. The two embraced. He then reached down to her now-visible bump, as the couple is expecting their second child, and offered a playful rub.
I'm a writer. I have no words for this. None.
• One last thing on this before getting back to the football grind: Watch that video up there again closely but this time for Cam Heyward passing by and not paying the slightest bit of attention to Shazier's walk. That's par for the course, and it's beautiful. These players' respect for Shazier is exceeded only by their expectations for him.
• OK, so what else can I share from this practice, which will be the last -- all season long, actually -- from which reporters will be allowed, per NFL and team regulations, to describe what they see?
Well, Roethlisberger was back from his big scare last week in Latrobe, looking both clean and commanding. The former was welcome, obviously, since it's never known what can come out of the other end of a concussion, but I was more struck by the latter.
Jesse James ran a lackluster route on one drill. Didn't sell it at all, gained little separation. Ben gently raised both hands but otherwise kept his cool.
Then, it happened again, only James' effort was that much more egregious. Ben waited this time until he returned to the huddle, then visibly let him have it.
Next time?
Yep, six. Well, maybe. James had one knee down near the goal line as he made the 20-yard catch and ... hey, no need to navigate those waters again.
My point: The QB's had a real energy about him all through this camp. And that was by far the most encouraging aspect of his return, seeing that return right away.
• I'd love to be wrong about James Conner erring in losing weight this offseason. After the Green Bay performance and now this session -- he hit holes without hesitation, then just erupted forward -- I'm increasingly convinced I'll be wrong.
• I could also ultimately wind up wrong about Bud Dupree, as some readers will gleefully note, but that's hardly set, either.
Here's a quick chat he and I had at the field's edge, also noteworthy for three significant simultaneous distractions: Fans pleading for Antonio Brown to come their way, Vince Williams briefly photo-bombing us, and then fireworks blowing up in the background:
Hey, we can't all be Spielberg.
• The beauty of all these secondary options is that they all look so much more attractive than the various linebackers they'd be sending to the sideline. The one standing out on this night, undoubtedly, was Cameron Sutton, who keeps getting his hand on the ball time and again.
• Justin Hunter gets his hand on the ball a lot, too. Only for a wide receiver, that's not nearly enough. He's tall, he can move, but he just can't make plays. Story's old with him. Especially with how Marcus Tucker, presumably his primary competition for a roster spot, keeps fighting his way through anything to cling to the ball.
• Two more botched exchanges for Mason Rudolph on this night. It's a real problem, whether they're all his fault or not. These are the kinds of things that only get magnified on game stages, obviously, but they also mean a ton when they're being seen regularly in practice.
That's not to knock the kid. If anything, there are times his passing and poise look markedly above the various groups with which he participates -- he tossed the sweetest fade, for example, to the right corner of the end that would have been an easy touchdown for Youngstown State's suddenly struggling Damoun Patterson ... had Patterson not peculiarly paused on the route. Another time, on a deep route, he overthrew his receiver by such an insane margin that you were almost happy he did, just to see the arm strength.
There's work to do, though.
• True to his comedic namesake, no one takes more ribbing among the Steelers than poor Jordan Dangerfield.
He leaped high for an acrobatic attempt at an interception, impressively tucked the ball under his wing with one hand, then came crashing down and somehow held on. OK, so he went down out of bounds, but let's just go with it being a pick for the bonus effort.
Well, he did go down. Hard. Stayed down, too.
One of the team's athletic trainers rushed over and could immediately be heard to speak, "Fell on the ball. He fell on the ball."
That's football talk for, uh, falling on the ball.
"Danger! Danger!" came the calls from teammates across the field, and thus it began. Artie Burns approached his fallen fellow corner and whispered something annoying enough into Dangerfield's ear that it earned this barely audible rebuke: "I caught the ball! Now I can't talk!" And then something not suitable for print, though it sure amused Burns. Tomlin, who loves tormenting Dangerfield, was next: "The wind? You got the wind knock out of you, Dangerfield? The wind?"
To this one, he had no choice but to grin and bear it.
No respect, right?
• I'll be back at the ballpark tonight.
MATT SUNDAY GALLERY
Steelers practice, Heinz Field, Aug. 19, 2018. - MATT SUNDAY / DKPS